“The key to wisdom is this – constant and frequent questioning, for by doubting we are led to question, by questioning we arrive at he truth.”
~ Peter Abelard
Why Do YOU Ask Questions?
I have forgotten who first told me that the problem with inviting people to ask questions at the end of a talk is that you get four types of questions:
- Those who want to prove that they have also mastered the topic and whose goal is to expose your ignorance;
- Those whose goal is self-promotion and a desire to promote their own agenda;
- Those who already had relevant questions before you started talking and who may or may not have processed what you actually said; and
- Genuinely insightful questions that open up new possibilities, perspectives, and learnings.
This person went on to say that the reason he never ended his presentations with question time, but invited people to send in questions prior to the session or put them in writing afterwards was because he wanted people to reflect on their questions and also consider them in the light of the presentation. There is nothing worse than getting to the end of a powerful and carefully prepared presentation and then having to sit through questions that are clearly self-promotional.
However, there’s another context in which we ask questions that can either help or hinder our growth and progress…
What Questions Do You Ask Yourself?
I get myself into trouble with this one, because I’ve developed the habit of asking solution-focused questions of myself:
- Can I control or change this situation or result?
- If ‘yes’, what do I need to do about it?
- If ‘no’, what can I learn from it?
- What’s the next step?
I don’t always ‘get over’ my emotional attachment to the problem, but it does set me in the right direction.
This gets me into trouble sometimes because not everyone actually wants to change. I’ve discovered that some people actually enjoy feeling like a victim… Me: I hate that feeling and I try to take responsibility for what I can and move forward.
Maybe it’s a result of living in rural Africa where life is really tough (people are starving, medical care is non-existent, systems are genuinely corrupt) that makes it hard for me to hold onto self-pity and take myself seriously when I’m tempted to wallow in it. However, you don’t have to live in these situation… Look around. Whatever your situation is – grief and loss, cancer, disease, financial difficulty, abuse etc… – there are people who have:
- Experienced it in the past;
- Suffered even more acutely;
- Triumphed over worse;
Again, that’s not to minimise your reality. There is a time to grieve, reflect, and regroup and it’s important to give yourself that time… But there is also a choice to make:
What am I going to focus on and create?
More darkness… Or greater light?
If Your Answer Leaves You Stuck… Try a Different Question
“Why did this happen to me?” Is a very dis-empowering question to ask in most situations.
Recently someone complained to me about the fact that they were stuck in a salary track that was much lower than their experience and qualifications deserved and they had just learned that there was nothing they could do to change it so they had two choices:
- Look for another job OR
- Put up with CPI increases only;
That is still more choice than many people have. Going down the ‘Why did this happen to me route?’ revealed that when the job was offered, the person was desperate for work so she had accepted the HR representative’s assurance that there was no room to negotiate on the salary rather than risk losing the opportunity. She then had another choice:
- Focus on the results of her neediness OR
- Learn the lesson and be better prepared next time.
It turned out that this was actually a situation she had faced a few times before and was part of a pattern of neediness and poor negotiations. Facing that was hard, but freeing, and when we explored other questions, she felt more prepared for her future decisions.
Victimhood-focused questions are terrible questions to ask yourself. Once you have uncovered to what extent you are responsible for the situation it’s time to ask action-focused questions like:
- What can I do now?
- What should I stop doing?
- What do I need to do differently?
These are just the tip of the iceberg, but I hope they help you realise that you may have more control over your situation than it seems at first sight.
How Does this Apply to Marketing and Authoring?
The questions you ask yourself about every campaign, every email, and every investment will help you control the results you get. In marketing strategy, I like to focus on the actions that you can control – like creating and implementing offers, sending emails and direct mail etc. – rather than the response which is outside your control.
Asking questions like: What did I send? What offer did I make? How many did I send? Who did respond? gives you opportunities to change and improve your actions.
When it comes to writing your book, one of the most powerful exercises I do with all my authors is to ask them probing uncomfortable questions about their philosophy, processes, results, examples, and barriers. Those questions (which often arouse resistance) exponentially improve the quality of the book. Sometimes the reason you feel stuck about your book’s content or effectiveness is the same reason you are frustrated with the results your marketing efforts are delivering… You’re asking the wrong questions.
Do you shy away from questions that demand you take responsibility and push ahead with strategic action?
If so, maybe now would be a good time to change that.
